In response to Daily Task of Blogging University’s Writing 101: Let Social Media Inspire You
The following post has a high sarcasm content and is not suitable for people who are easily susceptible to things written on the internet. Reader discretion is advised.
Also, the post is inspired by the following tweet.
I have seen many tips online on how not to procrastinate but I have never found tips which could actually help somebody procrastinate if they are having trouble doing so. I am here to fill that vacant spot by taking the road not taken.
Follow these steps precisely and you will see yourself procrastinate away to glory.
Step 1 – Search for something you should be doing. Make sure it isn’t due for at least a week later. And the more important it is, the better. Do you have to study for an upcoming test? Do you have to make a presentation for work? Do you have to file your returns? Excellent! Just pick any one of them.
Step 2 – Sit at your desk to do it BUT don’t start doing it just yet! Open your laptop to blank power point presentation. Open the book to the page you want to study. After you have done that. Stare at it. Don’t read any of it, just stare it.
Step 3 – Think about how much effort has to be put into this work and then slowly come to a realization that you have a lot of time left for it to be completed. Just gently slide out of your desk.
Step 4 – Think about all the other important things that are left. Like laundry. Or maybe you could clean your room that you haven’t cleaned for a long time. You could even try to catch up on the sleep you have been meaning to. (Note this step is for people who are new to procrastination. For more advanced procrastinators – skip straight to step 5)
Step 5 – Do none of the important stuff and watch a movie instead – you know you want to, but you never just got the time. Besides, you have a lot of time to complete the work. You will do it tomorrow. Or you could try watching a TV series. Maybe read that book? – Reading is not bad, is it? You could also try searching the internet for work related thing and get caught up looking at cat videos. Or start playing that video game you had been waiting to try.
So many things to do, you can’t start your work just yet.
Step 6 – Repeat the steps 1 to 5 till there is only one day left to the deadline.
Step 7 – This is a two part step.
a. Enter panic mode and start calculating time left before deadline. In this step make sure you give less time to each part of the process and believe that you can achieve the task in lesser amount of time than you can actually do it in. “Meh! I have 24 hours left. I need only 5 hours to do it.”
b. Get complacent and convince yourself that you can squeeze in a movie before you start. After all, you should start with a fresh mind, right? Once you have done that look at the time and convince yourself yet again that you can still binge watch the first season of Game of Thrones and have enough time later do your work.
Step 8 – Now you are really close to your deadline. Only a few hours to go. Plus you have to catch sleep as well. Don’t calm yourself. Let adrenaline kick in – you will need that. And when, and only when, you panic enough for adrenaline to kick in do you move to the next step.
Step 9 – Rush through your work like a drug hazed maniac.
Step 10 – This is the last step. You can choose either of the following things to do in this step.
1. Believe that since you could complete the work in 4 hours you must be some genius.
2. Convince yourself that you can only work in the last minute rush and your mind wouldn’t function other wise.
3. Make yourself convinced that if had not been for adrenaline, your creative power would have been slowed by a huge magnitude.
Note – If you are having difficulty in choosing what you have to instead of your work. Don’t go back to your work. You can stare at the wall and ponder about your life choices. That works as well.
This list has worked for me for years. I can even call myself a professional procrastinator now. In fact, I remember I always did double time every time exams were near or I had to submit an assignment. So, you can pretty much trust this list.
“Procrastination doesn’t kill creativity but by no means does it allow it to grow” – Me