Before we get to the post, let me just tell you how I got here.
About a fortnight ago, at the end of my post – Let Me Be – I gave you, the readers, a poll to choose what I should write. And majority of you said that I should do a sarcastic take on life.
What? You think sarcasm is easy? – Well, it probably is. I wouldn’t know. Not like I have ever been sarcastic.
And the worst part is, nobody voted for poetry! Art is dying! People are choosing sarcasm over poetry! It’s dying!
(And you don’t think I can write good poetry? You should read about my visit to a strange Ice Cream Shop, then)
And no. Don’t even think about going back and putting your vote in now. The votes are closed. Well, technically, it’s still open since I don’t know how to close it, but I won’t be looking at it again – so yeah, closed.
I mean going and voting now would be like skipping elections and then saying, ‘I didn’t want Donald Trump to win. It just happened.’
(Don’t let it happen people!)
That’s why I don’t let people have the power. Monarchy for the win! Well, in this context, at least.
Coming to the post. As you can guess from the title, it’s about arguments. *dramatic music*
A state in which all people involved want to be heard but nobody wants to listen. Basically, it is the thing people resort to, since saying, ‘I am not listening, la la la la…‘ is not an acceptable, adult way to deal with things.
Whenever you see an argument happening, there are a few types of people you might find around.
The people involved in the argument – These are the people who are in the heat of the action. They have blood shot eyes and will rip out the others’ organs if it becomes acceptable to do so. The true characteristic trait of this being, though, is that they ALWAYS believe that they are right. Examples include – People in TV debates and Parents deciding whose turn it is to go change the baby’s diaper.
People who look like they are involved in the argument – There will be a person who will be going head to head with people in the heat. It may LOOK like the matter also concerns them, but more often than not, it doesn’t. Examples include – People during a public protest and Your best friend when you get in an argument
People having the time of their life – These people look like they are concerned about the well being of the people involved in the argument but they are actually enjoying the whole thing. They might SEEM to care about the subject but they just want to watch the world burn, starting from the people that are arguing in front of them (not literally, of course). Examples include – Your boyfriend when you are fighting with your male best friend and Marriage counsellors.
People actually trying to stop the whole thing – These are the people who actually, genuinely want to stop the whole thing from taking place. They might be concerned about the well being of the people involved in the argument. But, most of the times, they are just tired of their shit. Examples include – Your mother when she was trying to separate you and your sibling from killing each other and Judges in court
People who don’t care – For all they care, you can go die in a ditch. They don’t care and they don’t give a fuck as long as you don’t involve them. And even then, they would just get up and walk away. Examples include – Well, me.
That’s about all there is you need to know about arguments.
I hope you are better equipped to handle life now. Or not, I don’t care.
You made me do this. You better think it’s good!
You can tell me which group you belong to in the comments below and I will try my best to reply with a sarcastic comment. There is a large possibility that I wouldn’t be able to come up with a witty comment, so I will just leave a like or the general boring comment which you read day in and day out.
Until next time, from one writer to another, WRITE ON!
In response to Daily Task of Blogging University’s Writing 101: The Space to Write
Where do I like to be when I write? – Huh? That is a tough question. (Well, actually it’s not but every time somebody says that, it feels like they have thought a lot about the question posed)
The answer: I like to be in my head when I write.
I have developed a habit of zoning out of things in my vicinity when I get to work. It started long time ago – almost around the time Archimedes discovered the Archimedes’ Principle. I realized that a naked man running around the street is too much to handle, so I decided to zone out of the ruckus and concentrate on my writing.
What? – You don’t believe I could be that old? – You believe in Stephenie Meyer’s vampires but have a hard time believing this? – Suit yourself. I will zone you out too.
Anyway, what I basically want to say is I don’t really care where I am writing. I can get into the deep trenches of my mind and ignore whatever happens around me. That does NOT mean I don’t get distracted when people come and talk directly to me.
I mean, it’s just annoying when I am minding my own business sitting in a coffee house and a random person walks up to say – ‘Oh! So you’re writer? Nice!’ Yeah, well, it was; until you showed up to disturb me.
Or when I sit in the comfort of my home and the landlord comes up to say – ‘Your rent is due. Make sure you have it tomorrow.’ I will get to it. Writing does not exactly pay pretty well.
Or when I am sitting at the side of the road and a random person walks up to me and says – ‘Hey, you got a little of them drugs?’ No, I don’t! Now get lost!
Okay, fine. I agree the last one was partly my fault, but you get what I mean. I can write anywhere, as long as nobody talks to me directly.
As for what I use. I prefer to use my laptop but it’s not like I carry it around everywhere, mostly because I am worried people might get to know about the songs I downloaded illegally and I don’t want to go to prison. If you think I could pay for bail… Well, why do you think I had to download songs illegally in the first place?
If that does happen some day, I do hope they don’t put me in the same cell as the ones convicted for Heavy Metal downloads.
If I am prepared to write outside of the comforts of my home, I carry a notebook along with me (the old fashioned one, not the machine). If not, I carry a pen lest I get an inspiration. Then I just use any piece of paper I can get my hands on. Isn’t that why all restaurants and bars have tissue papers in the first place?
That was all about my way of writing. Now, it’s up to you to decide what I write in the future. At least, that is what Writing 101 wants us to do – give power to the reader! So here is your chance to shine, readers of my blog—however limited you all may be—cast your votes!
I remember writing about The Wait for my friend in restaurant quite a while back.
Unless you have a photographic memory or have been following the blog from the start, chances are you might not know about it. So, you may click the link to read the first part.
Waiting is one the most awkward things for the human race. So, instead of looking like a loner while I wait, now I read articles in my cell phone. I am totally against this and would rather watch humans eating in their natural habitat but some people consider it creepy and I don’t want to be kicked out of the restaurant. (Never happened before, I swear)
Having a cell phone out in public can be a big threat it seems. Specially if there are kids around. I was sitting at a restaurant waiting for my friend. So, I flip out my cell phone and start using the free wi-fi the restaurant had provided. (Well, it wasn’t free but having the restaurant name in caps is not a safe password).
While, I was freeloading to the extreme (I had started updating all my pending apps *evil laugh*), a child walks up to me and stands next to me. I don’t pay much attention to the pint sized human and continue to read on my cell phone. He looked at me with a look that said – “Pay attention to me“; with a hint of – “I want that cell phone“; with an garnishing of – “I always get what I want“.
He pointed to the gadget which was helping me escape the anxiety of making eye contact with a stranger and said. “I want that!” So, I did what any normal person would and turned the other way to ignore him.
I normally don’t have problems with kids because I can get along with them. I just have to induce a wicked thought in their mind and I go scot-free. It is that simple.
But this kid was different. I swear I could see him laugh before he did what he did next. He fell down on the floor and started crying. And his fall was professional! Like he had learnt it directly from the football (soccer) players. (You know the ones who fake a fall to get a penalty)
His mother walked up to me, naturally assuming I had dome something horrid with the Satan re-incarnated.
“What happened?” she asked him and he pointed to me.
I expertly clear my throat to explain the matter to her.
What I thought I was going to say – “He fell down in a tantrum when I denied him my phone.”
What I actually said – “His fell tantrum on my phone… Football… Satan”
“My kid doesn’t cry just on a whim, what did you do?”
I knew I was trapped. I saw my friend enter the restaurant.
“Run, away. Run away before they get you too. I am all but lost.” I told her.
Well, I did not say it out loud but we have sign language that says that. It is me looking at her wide eyed and shaking my head. She turned and walk out like she was at the wrong place, while I stayed to get the mistaken mother’s wrath.
If I could ban a word from general usage, huh? This is tricky. There are so many!
And NO, I am not thinking about banning swear words. Swear words add another dimension to any language—it’s like the ‘deep internet’ of languages. You know about it; you visit the place often; but if somebody asks, you act like you don’t know what they are talking about. (Except if they are your friends)
In fact, I sometimes believe all those words should just stop being a taboo. Frankly, it is stupid to feel bad because somebody used a certain word. It really doesn’t matter. I mean, why make a big deal out of it? And we all know that humans are attracted to things only if everyone makes a big deal out of it. Don’t believe me?
Fine. Look at Helen of Troy. Sure, she was called the most beautiful woman in the world but do you think it would have mattered if people didn’t make a big deal about it? A war could have been averted!
Still, don’t believe me? Look at the Kardashians. Do you think they will matter if people stop making a big deal about it? No!
How about pineapples on pizza, then? Should people stop making a big deal about that as well?
No! Nobody should face atrocities such as having your pizza with pineapples!
But seriously, everyone should stop worrying about what people are saying. If you don’t find it helpful, you can ignore it. Take it as moo point.
Anyway, moving on from what I don’t want to ban to what I will want to ban. I wouldn’t ban one word. I would ban the whole phrase… *drum roll please*… “No Offense.” (The title gave it away, I know)
It’s pathetic, it’s docile and most of all it’s useless.
Think about it. Every time the phrase ‘no offense’ is used, what is it followed by?
That’s right, you guessed it – An Offense.
If you are going to offend the person anyway, why claim that you mean no offense.
‘No offense, dude, but you run like a wimp.’
‘No offense, but I don’t go for guys like you.‘
‘No offense but you don’t seem like a person who can write a blog.‘
(None of these have ever been said to me, I promise)
So, what do we do then?
Well, you have two options.
Either, a, you shut up! Don’t say anything bad. That’s it!
Or, b, you say it like it is.
>Don’t like his shoes? Say, ‘I don’t like your shoes.’
>Feel that using a phone in vacation is wrong? Say, ‘Using your phone during the vacation makes the vacation useless.’
>Pizzas with pineapples aren’t your thing? Say, ‘WHO the HELL puts PINEAPPLES on their PIZZA?!’
If you can’t say it as it is, you shouldn’t be saying it. Obviously, it would be much better if you could tell them why you don’t like a certain thing. It is then up to them. They may choose to accept it or tell you it’s their choice and you have to accept it.
Either way, don’t hide behind the fake cloud of No Offense.
And if you are by any chance offended by the post, No Offense!
Nope, nope, screw it!
Take all the offense you can. Specially if you are pineapple on Pizza lover.
Supermarkets – A magical land where I enter to buy JUST one carton of juice but hours later find myself pushing a trolley of goods, wondering how I got caught up in the deadly trap.
It’s like a Venus flytrap for humans. It gives us a sweet offering only to suck us into an endless spiral of ‘Do I need this right now or do I have enough at home?’
I was at the supermarket, the other day, carrying a trolley full of snacks to take back home. This time, though, it was not the case of me being sucked in. I had planned the visit since I knew I had to stay up a few nights for some work and it gets really annoying to cook something in the middle of the night. Even waiting for the leftover from the refrigerator to heat up in the microwave seems like a drag.
Anyway, so I was at the supermarket with my trolley and I kept it on the side of the aisle so that there was enough space for other people to walk by as I looked at the items on the shelf.
I was generally shifting my gaze from one product to another when it fell on a Kellogg’s breakfast cereal and I stopped. I don’t remember exactly what the flavour was but I do remember thinking, ‘Why does this flavour exist? Who even eats this?’
It was kept at the bottom shelf so I was crouching down to inspect it, when I heard something stir inside my trolley.
I quickly got up, half expecting a mouse in my cart, which could entitle me to free products from the mart in exchange for my silence. But, alas, it was not so.
Some lady had picked up a pack of Oreo biscuit from my trolley and was inspecting it.
I was ready to answer her question about where to find them but instead of that she just took my biscuit and started walking away. Well, not my biscuit, yet, but I had carefully chosen it among the hundreds of others.
I could almost hear them speak out to me, ‘please save us. We want to enter your digestive tract, not hers.’
‘Excuse me,’ I said.
‘Yes?’ she looked at me like I had knocked on her home door in the middle of the night.
‘Those are mine.’
‘No they aren’t.’
‘They were kept in my cart,’ I pointed to the cart she had just taken the biscuits from.
‘Oh, I thought it was unmanned,’ she said. Obviously, anybody with common sense would assume that she was going to return it but instead she continued, ‘but I already picked it thinking it to be an unmanned cart, so, I guess you have to get another one. There isn’t any rule which says I have to give it back to you.’
I know people shouldn’t be judged quickly but boy, was this woman thick-skulled. As much as all the muscles in my body were telling me to, I did not want to head-butt a lady in the middle of the supermarket so I let her go. And well, she was right – there was no rule to it.
But, I really think that there should be! Today a packet of Oreo, tomorrow the whole trolley. When will this madness end?!
In the end she got away with the biscuit and I got away with not going to prison for assaulting a middle-aged woman in the supermarket. So, it worked out fine, I guess.
On a positive note, I did get the last laugh. During check out, she joined the line before me but as soon as I reached to check out, they opened a new line, so I got to go first in that and she remained standing at the back of the other! In her face!
If you have faced a similar situation, pray tell how you dealt with it. Till then, from one writer to another, WRITE ON!
Warning: This post is low on humor content and does not take responsibility for any lack of induced laughs. It , however, does take complete responsibility for the laughs it will induce.
I have been asked to think about the week that was and check to see if I accomplished the thing(s) I wanted to.
As daunting as the task may seem to me I choose to write about it.
Every week begins with me setting certain targets as to what should be achieved by the end of the week and every week ends with me lamenting on how miserably I have failed at achieving all of those. (In my experience, ice cream helps in numbing the pain – wait that was for after the dentist, forget it)
Why do I lack the ability to get my work done? Why?
I will tell you why – Procrastination.
Procrastination is like a superpower nobody wants. (If it were a superhero, it would probably be Aquaman.)
On one hand, it grants you the ability to find interest in a mere wall of your room, allowing you to stare at it for hours at end, but all at the cost of not doing your work.
And the biggest villain of all, the internet. (It’s like Procrastination’s trusty side kick.) I mean, with the advent of technology you would believe more work would get done quickly. Well, you are wrong!
Anyway, all fun aside. This week I discovered a technique called the Pomodoro Technique.
This asks you to force yourself to work for 25 minutes straight and then reward yourself at the end. The thing with the technique is that once you force yourself to work for a little while, you stop feeling the urge to put it aside for something else, since you are in a flow.
So, what have I managed to achieve this week? (Apart from the regular work which I HAVE to do)
Start working out again – Check
Write in the blog – Check
Learn fluent German – Nope
Talk to some old friends – Check
Obtain Hitler’s archives – Nope
Read a book – Check
Achieve World Domination – Nope
Stop Making Jokes with Dark Humor – Check (well, sort of)
Call Mom – Nope—
Oh no! I forgot to call her again! No worries, the week’s not over yet. I can still do it.
Till the next post, From one writer to another, WRITE ON!
When I was in fifth grade, we had newly started using pens instead of pencils to write in our notebooks. It was in those early days, an ink pen broke and spilled it’s ink all over me and my clothes. Needless to say, my clothes, my notes and obviously my hands and arms were all covered with ink. It was at that moment, I decided never to get ink on myself again; and so far I have succeeded.
Sure, when I decided not get ink on myself, I did not mean it in the sense of not getting a tattoo but the idea of getting something permanently etched on my body does not enthrall me.
Plus, what if there is a typo in there? Not like you can press Ctrl + Z. ‘I am sorry we just etched “Fart Minor” on your biceps by mistake.’
It’s not that I will never get a tattoo done. I mean, I am totally against it right now but I don’t know the future. (Any psychic or clairvoyant in the house?) That being said, there are few tattoo fads that I would never get into.
Names. Of anyone, with special mention to name of girlfriend (or as internet calls them – bae). Who knows what might happen in the future.
Quotes. I know I want to inspire people but not by making them stare at a quote (probably written by a teenager on the internet) plastered on my neck. If people want to read stuff, they can go buy a book.
Matching Tattoo. Tattoos that make sense only when you have the other half, which is probably half around the town. Or not interested in seeing your face again. (Read Names again)
Bands/Books/One time internet sensation. Things don’t stay popular for ever. Enough said.
There are so many more, but I will stop now. Although, there is this image I found on the internet where CollegerHumor answers the question — “Should You Get That Tattoo?”
This Could prove useful in a dilemma, if you are in one.
Although, I do promise to get a tattoo done, whenever Batman gets a tattoo done on himself. (Yes, I know he is a fictional character. No, the condition still stays.)
In an undiscerning age such as ours, people seem to want everything instantly. They want money, but aren’t willing to work for it as much. They want to be talented but aren’t willing to put in that much effort to learn. They want, but aren’t willing to wait.
In a time like this, getting a wish granted is probably and apt solution for all the woes of people.
The thing is whenever I hear about wishes being granted, I always think about the story Monkey’s Paw. You can ask for a wish but it might not turn out how you wanted.
Keeping that in my mind, here are the wishes which I would like to ask for.
People become more tolerant of things. This is like asking for World Peace but that seems to be a temporary solution. A new matter would arise, differentiating people on the basis of something new entirely. If people become more tolerant of each other, most problems in the world would be solved right there.
I remain motivated to do my work. Instant money, instant fame etc. can only go so far. I want money, I want fame but in all honesty, I want to work to get all that. I have already done it in a smaller scale and I know that getting something after putting effort into it is much more fulfilling than getting instant gratification.
I really do not have a third wish, as of now, so in a normal scenario I would save the wish for later; but if hard pressed to make a wish I would ask for the ability to learn quickly and store that information indefinitely. There is so much to learn in this wide world of ours, that it is estimated that in a life time, one cannot learn all things presently available. A chance to learn all those things at a quicker pace would be much more fulfilling than asking for the entire knowledge at one go. Chances are that entire knowledge of the Universe would be so profound that one might not even comprehend it at one go, resulting in an explosion of head. Literal, mind blown.
I do not see the use of getting to the end, without having experienced the journey in the first place. That’s like asking for a vacation to end, before it has even begun.
Warning: The following post is rated TV-MA L. It contains strong sarcasm and is intended for mature audiences. Reader Discretion is advised.
I have written about this before and I am writing about it again.
Why? – I hear you ask. Well, because I simply admire the way language has evolved into the filth *coughs* — I mean, the wonder it is today.
After various trial and errors, English Language evolved into a form which is seen and used today. I am not talking about language we learn in the grammar classes in school. I am talking about the type which everyone uses while texting.
It all started many years ago, when the cell phones had only just become a common man’s necessity. Some wise-ass decided that the devices should be used to send small memos (which we commonly know as text messages nowadays). The best idea which this person had was to restrict the world limit to each sent text.
This, combined with the fact that we had to punch a button three freaking times just to get the letter ‘I’, led us to believe that it would be better to just abbreviate words and cut out on unnecessary letters while having a conversation.
I wish I could find those kids who started off with this trend. They definitely deserve a big slap *clears throat* – I mean, thank you. After all, “OMG! It’s just 2 kul!”
The world evolved into a place where character restrictions no longer remained a problem – except on twitter (which, by the way, is also so amazingly cool) – and the typing changed to qwerty mode in almost all phones but THANKFULLY, people did not drop the cool lingo.
I think about the future when the civilization looks back and sees immortal phrases such as
‘ikr! Ur lyk totz my bae’
and the best of them all,
‘mah lyf, mah rulz’
The last one does not even involve shortening a word. It in fact, makes it longer than before. Who would write my, when one can write mah, amirite?
I am glad people don’t write complete sentences anymore. Even though, sometimes, it gets tough to follow the conversation but who cares about having a nice talk when one can be stupid *ahem* – I mean, fancy!